Meet Me In The Light
by gorenrocks
Summary: A Goren and Eames story, with Jimmy Deakins. The result of a "What If" Challenge, what if Alex's request for a new partner had been approved? This veers off to A/U, but consider who is writing it. It will be tense and difficult our beloved Detectives!
1. Dusk

Disclaimer: These characters are owned by Dick Wolf, not me. I am borrowing them just for fun!

A/N Hi! I've been away for a while, and am writing a couple new things just to get started. I am also working on Still Be Mine, Forget What We're Told and Fixing New Year's Eve. Thanks for reading!

An AU "What If" Challenge story: What if Alex's request for a new partner was approved?

PS: I made up the name of the form.

* * *

Meet Me In The Light

Part 1

gorenrocks

Detective Alex Eames sat at her desk and eyed the empty desk across from hers – that of her partner's, Detective Bobby Goren. She'd waited for him a few minutes but scanned the bullpen and when he didn't magically appear, decided she'd waited long enough. Pulling a small-mirrored compact from her purse, she snuck a quick peek, ran her fingers through her hair and then after a glance to be sure no one was looking, pinched her cheeks. Though she wondered why she bothered for a man who hardly looked at her; anyway, she was almost certain he never noticed her appearance.

Not that she cared if her partner Bobby noticed her looks. Frowning, she put away the compact and stood to begin the search for her missing gentle giant, wondering just when she started to have these odd thoughts about him. It was only about a week ago she'd put in a request for a _new_ partner.

She'd handed the form to Captain Jimmy Deakins immediately after the Henry Talbot case. The foul little man murdered four women, and they'd worked long and hard to prevent him from killing a fifth. Bobby had devised a plan for her to gain Henry's trust, but it had made her feel used – even after all her years on vice! She couldn't explain it. Alex finally figured that in vice she'd played a part, even wore a costume; she wasn't herself. With Henry Talbot, she was Alex Eames, yet at the same time, not. It just felt different, and although she had agreed to do it, she blamed Bobby for her unsettling feelings.

The thoughts caused her to pause and even stop in her tracks, realizing it had been much longer than a week since the Talbot case, and that her request for a change was a mistake, a huge mistake! At that time, she hadn't fully understood how Bobby's mind worked, and she had over-reacted. As soon as she found him and they finished their paperwork, she had better get to Deakins and make sure he didn't send in the damn form.

Because things had changed, and now, she couldn't imagine her life without Bobby Goren in it.

* * *

"Hey. Here you are," said Alex, watching Bobby's big frame squeezed into the standard size chair in a small conference room at 1PP.

Eyes closed, Bobby opened one and said, lazily, "Hey, yourself. You're the one who disappeared." His arms behind his neck, he was leaning back, and when he tried to straighten up she noticed he winced.

"So you came in here to hide?" she teased, and standing behind him, laid her hands lightly on his broad shoulders, frowning at the tensions she felt beneath her fingers.

"I came in here to think."

Alex leaned around to look at him, eyebrows raised.

"Okay, to think alone, away from the madding crowd," he smiled when she started a gentle massage on his shoulders," of which you were not a part," he conceded.

Satisfied, Alex straightened, and instructed, "Loosen your collar and tie."

"You're senior partner," he said, complying, and added, "you're too good to me."

"Hardly."

"What?" Bobby tried to twist and look at her, but she stopped him with her firm grasp.

"Never mind, Goren."

He sighed, his body still tense but looking slightly less tight. "Where were you, anyway?"

"I was on a search for some 901-A forms. We need them to finish up."

"Oh."

"Lucky for us, I found some." Alex let her right thumb rub against his neck once, back and forth. His skin was so soft and very warm, and maybe she imagined it but she saw his body lean into her touch. Her body heated, so she continued quickly, "Look," and she kept kneading the knots out of his tense muscles, "you did nice work with Maggie Colter, gaining her trust. And again with Simon Matic, getting the identification."

Alex gave his shoulders a pat, and stopped the massage. She walked around the chair and leaned up against the small conference table, facing Bobby. "It was really good work, Bobby."

"I couldn't have done it without you, Eames."

She looked down. "That's not true."

Bobby grabbed her hand and she glanced at him sharply, but his brown eyes were warm and sincere. He squeezed her fingers and his thumb caressed her wrist, and then he released her.

"It is true, Eames. You don't know how true it is."

Alex felt the flush creep up her chest and cover her face; all she could do was get out of there quickly, so she stood and said, "What _will_ be true is we _both_ won't have jobs if we don't finish our paperwork. So c'mon, Goren. Party over."

* * *

_Later that day..._

"Alex?"

"Captain," troubled by an ominous timbre to Deakins' voice, she added, "What's wrong?"

"I need to talk to you, now. In my office."

Alex's head started to throb, just behind her left eye.

"Well, can you just tell me here?" They stood at the end of the hallway; they were alone.

"I'd rather not."

"Just give me a piece of it, and then we'll go to your office. I promise." Alex touched the Captain's forearm. "Please, Captain."

Deakins' rolled his eyes. "Alright. Against my better judgment," he added. He guided her close to the wall and placed a hand on her shoulder. Almost frightened now, Alex asked, "What's wrong?"

"Remember that request for a new partner you turned in, a few weeks ago?"

"Oh yeah, that! I was going talk to you about that, but we've been swamped with so many cases. I want to rescind it. Definitely. No question. I jumped the gun, it was a big mistake."

And the look in Jimmy Deakins' eyes terrified her.

"It's too late. Alex, your request was approved. You have a new partner, effective Monday. Goren goes to SVU on special assignment until one can be found for him."

She felt her body sway a bit until the Captain's firm grasp steadied her. _This can't be happening._

"This is impossible! I didn't—I can't work without Bobby! I won't do it!"

"Can't work without me? Why would you have to do that?" Goren asked, his soft voice drifting down from above her and behind Captain Deakins. They'd been absorbed in their talk and neither had heard him; shocked by her Captain's revelation, Alex hadn't seen Bobby coming, either.

Horrified, she stared up at her partner. _My partner. Not anymore. What have I done? _

Bobby smiled at her, but as his eyes scanned her face, his features grew somber. His gaze shifted to Captain Deakins and then back to Alex, and he took a step away from them, his arms folded protectively over his chest.

"What… What's going on?"

tbc...


	2. Twilight

Disclaimer: These characters are owned by Dick Wolf, not me. I am borrowing them just for fun!

A/N Due to the overwhelming demand of One, lol, here's another chapter. :)

An AU "What If" Challenge story: What if Alex's request for a new partner was approved?

* * *

Meet Me In The Light

Part 2

gorenrocks

Alex leaned against the wall next to the door to Captain Deakins' office, listening to the rise and fall of muffled voices, trying to gauge the volume, glean something to prepare her for what would come next: Facing her confused partner.

She could hear no actual words; she could only discern the familiar tones and cadences of her colleagues – Bobby Goren and Jimmy Deakins. Finally she heard footsteps, and then quiet, and could take it no longer.

The wood felt cool against her knuckles when she rapped sharply on the office door. Not waiting for an answer, she opened it and looked around the room. Bobby stood with his jacket off and back toward her; his arms tightly folded and shoulders straining his shirt. Deakins sat at his desk; his head had been resting in one palm, but when she entered he raised it and immediately spoke.

"Alex, it's not the time."

Bobby turned and studied her. He unwrapped his arms and curled his hand around the back of his neck.

"No, it's good…it's great, a great time." He stepped a bit closer. "Eames, why didn't you talk to me? Talk to me about how you feel?"

Alex couldn't remember feeling so sick about something she'd done, not since she was young and in trouble with her parents. She took a deep breath and smoothed her sleeveless black silk blouse over her black pants, and then met Bobby's gaze full on.

"Bobby, at the time I handed in this request, I didn't understand you. I-"

"No!" he shouted. "That's not what I mean."

Shocked by her usually calm partner's outburst, adrenaline surged through her blood and Alex literally jumped.

Deakins instantly stood. "Bobby, calm down."

"Okay, fair enough," the big detective raised both hands, palms up, "I'm sorry. Captain, Eames." he nodded toward Alex and then at Deakins, and then, his eyes became unfocused for a moment, and his voice became much softer. He added, "And, um, Eames, a call came in, while, uh, the Captain and I were talking. I think you should know." After that he looked pointedly at the Captain.

"Oh, right. Thanks, Bobby." Captain Deakins focused on Alex. "You're cleared by internal affairs. The shooting of the kidnapper, no problems."

"Thank you, Sir," Alex replied, relieved, but her voice was shaking, and she turned to Goren. "Bobby," she started.

"Eames, look, I know why you put in the request. Or… or maybe I don't know, I just think I know, but why you did it—it's not important to me. It happened. But why didn't you talk to me about how you feel? We're partners – why?"

"She was under no obligation to talk to you, Bobby. "

Bobby's eyes widened and his lips parted, and there were a few beats of silence before Bobby could manage, "No… no obligation? "

"Bobby," Alex tried again.

"Is that the official _party line? _The _united front_?" Bobby shouted.

"No!" she insisted.

"Goren," Deakins warned.

Bobby nodded and held up one hand, but he quietly stepped closer to Alex until he was only inches away and she could feel his body heat. From the corner of her eye, she could see Deakins shift uncomfortably in his chair.

"For nearly three weeks after," Bobby's voice lowered, "… after, _the request, _we've worked together, covered each other's backs, ready to die for each other if necessary" and at that his eyes bored into hers, "and I know I'm right about that."

Alex pulled her fist to her mouth; silently, she nodded, _yes. _

The big man tilted his head so that his face was level with hers. "But during all those hours we spent together, you couldn't find any time, and didn't see any reason, to talk to me about this."

Alex could only close her eyes and hold on to the back of the chair for support.

"I've had more than enough of this." Captain Deakins' stern voice startled both of them; Deakins now stood behind his desk. "Goren, pull that chair to my desk and sit.

No hesitation. "Yes, Sir," Bobby obeyed, a clear sign of respect for his captain.

Alex," he motioned to the chair already there, "have a seat."

"Now lets get a few things straight," Deakins began, shifting his gaze between his seated but anxious detectives. "The order went through and we have to comply with it – for now. That doesn't mean it has to be permanent."

Deakins waited a moment, and Alex tried to digest the bit of news. Maybe all was not lost! She glanced at Bobby, but he was staring down at his lap.

"Both of you listen to me. " Bobby slouched, but shifted his eyes to his Captain's face. Alex watched Deakins intently.

"Two weeks ago we had a temp worker come in, a secretary. She wanted a permanent position here and was eager – much too eager – to impress. Her first day here I was gone most the day. Apparently, she decided to _organize _my desk, and sent out everything in what she believed to be my inbox. Including Alex's letter.

"Alex," and he paused, and made a point to look directly at her, "I would have never sent that letter without speaking with you personally, and making absolutely sure you were certain about your decision. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, Sir." Alex felt her body relax and the knots in her head untangled. Her relief was so powerful; she felt as if a cool, cleansing sea breeze drifted through room.

She watched Bobby, expecting possibly smile, or at least some kind of positive reaction, but there was nothing. He didn't look at her or even look up; he sat still and acted bored.

"Bobby," said Deakins.

"Yes, Captain."

"Do you understand what I said? The request should not have been sent. The switch is a mistake. My secretary found out what the temp worker did, and she thought she corrected all the mistakes before any action was taken – they never told me what happened until after this approval came through and I hit the roof."

"A mistake. Yeah."

"Bobby?"

"I mean, a mistake, Sir."

Confused, Alex looked at Deakins, who looked just as puzzled.

"Captain, if you don't mind my asking, did you sign the request?" Alex asked.

Captain Deakins folded his arms. "Well that's what I don't quite understand. No, I didn't sign it. I'm sure of it. I'm waiting to get back a copy of the original, but I don't need that to know that I didn't sign it. As I said, I was waiting to talk to you, Alex, before taking that action. I have to get to the bottom of this."

Goren looked up, finally, and then at Alex. "Now, am I allowed to ask why?"

"Wait, Bobby," Deakins started.

"Please, Captain, let me try," asked Alex. She took his silence as acquiesce. "Bobby, we were so busy, too busy. And then I changed my mind, but I kept forgetting to talk to the Captain, I just knew he wasn't going to hand it in – and I was right! We'll get it fixed."

Bobby turned his head away from her, ignoring her, and addressed the Captain. "What do I have to do now?"

"Report to SVU on Monday. I'm working on this already."

"Don't bother."

"What?" Alex and Deakins said together.

"I said don't bother. She's lying to me. I don't trust her anymore." Bobby stood. "And I need a week off. To get my head together. Can I do that? Please?"

"All right, Goren. But I want you to call in during the week. Let me know how you're doing."

"Thank you, Sir."

"You can go. Finish up the paperwork tomorrow."

As Bobby headed out of the office, Alex started to follow him.

"Alex."

She turned. "Sir?"

"Stay," the Captain told her, gently.

"But Captain!"

"Let him go. He won't hear you now. Try later tonight, or tomorrow. Give him time to cool down."

_If I let him go, I might not ever get him back. _Alex plopped down in the chair, elbows on the Captain's desk, and rested her head in her hands. Her cheeks felt hot against her palms and she thought that if she lifted her head the room might start to spin out of control, just like her world had tilted off the axis. She doubted anything would ever be _normal _again – the _new_ normal with Bobby, that she had begun to grow quite fond of.

"Alex? Where are you?" Strong fingers grasped her small ones, tugging her hand, forcing her to lift her head. Smiling, the Captain squeezed her hand for just a moment, and then let go.

"He's an intelligent man. Gifted, if you ask me. He'll calm down, and come to understand."

"How can he possibly understand something I don't understand myself?"

The two were quiet. And then the Captain asked, "Why didn't you talk to him, Alex?"

"I don't know, Captain." Alex sighed. "I don't know."

~tbc


End file.
